I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving, I just sent all my friends a message stating that I wanted to be left alone for the day before turning my phone off.
I knew Spencer would be worried and pissed off but I also knew if Emery and Sutton tried hard enough they would be able to find out where I went, me returning home was something that usually shocked the residences as it was something I rarely did.
I took a deep breath before opening the front door and entering the house in search of my mother.
I entered the living thinking she would be in there were the bar was located but I was shocked to see it empty, was Lee right? Had our mother finally given up the alcohol?
I entered the kitchen, pulling all the cupboards open thinking that she had begun hiding the alcohol again like last time. There was a time after dad had died that I threatened to leave and take Lee with me, saying college can screw itself since I didn’t want anything to happen to Lee. For weeks it seemed like she took my words to heart but the Alcohol had just been hidden and she was drinking once we were in bed but by that stage it was too late for me to do anything.
I was just glad that while I was away at College nothing bad happened to Lee and I didn’t have to do anything drastic, at least now Lee was old enough to understand and see what she was missing when she was younger.
“Jeez Adrianna, just give me a heart attack why don’t you.” I heard my mother’s voice but I didn’t face her.
“Where is it? I don’t believe this sop story you gave Lee the other week, the alcohol has to be somewhere. You’ve always hidden it, why stop now when you couldn’t even do it when we needed you the most.” I snapped at her as my eyes welled up, slamming the cupboard doors shut.
“There is no alcohol in here, I promise you. I got rid of it all after I accidently told Lee everything, did you read my letter?” she questioned as she took a step closer to me but I just took one back and she got the hint.
“I did but I don’t believe, this has to be another ploy to get us to forgive after everything you’ve done!” I yelled at her and her face changed, the first time in years that me yelling at her has caused a reaction.
“Adrianna!” she scolded me and I finally got a good look at her, she wasn’t looking like her pristine self. There was no make-up on her face, her hair wasn’t done nice and neatly and she was wearing sweats.
“I’m sorry, are you alright?” I apologised and questioned, she was shocked at me apologising. Her letter was the first time either one of us had apologised for anything in years.
“I’m fine, it just takes too much effort to get ready in the morning when I don’t even leave the house.” She shrugged before walking past me to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, she continued along to the living and I had no choice but to follow her.
“Do you really not hate Spencer? For months you refused to spend time with him at all, you always spoke to him with such venom in your voice that we stopped trying.” I questioned while following her.
“I haven’t spent enough time with him to decide if I do or don’t, I meant what I said Adrianna. My main reason was because I believed he would prevent you from moving back home, it’s partly why I kept pushing you on Nathan. I knew Nathan wanted to raise a family here, if you two started a family I knew you would be here.”
“What was your change of heart when it came to Nathan? I spent months trying to convince you what happened after it did but you wouldn’t believe me, you thought I was liar who had something against him.” I wanted to know why she finally changed her mind about him.
“The rumours floating around town, heard he went to jail. His parents refuse to leave their house and when I heard Emery and Sutton’s mother’s talking about your stay in hospital, I started piecing it all together. Why did I have to hear from someone else that you were in hospital again?” I shrugged in response, unsure on how to answer her.
“Do you expect any different now that you’re sick? We’ve always been like this.”
“You didn’t deny he was the reason behind you being in hospital, so I guess it’s true.” I stiffened at her words but didn’t say anything, I just turned away from her unsure of what to say. I was beginning to question why I was here again. “He put you in hospital and that’s what got him sent to jail, it made me wonder if it was really him all those years ago but all of that aside, me being sick and having cancer knowing I’m going to die put a lot of things into perspective.”
“How I unintentionally pushed both of my daughters out of my life, I was hurt and lost without your father. I had no idea how to go on living without him, we had been together since we were 15.”
“So you stuck to the bottle and put all the blame on me while ignoring the fact that my ex-boyfriend raped and then beat me because I refused to talk to him.” I spoke harshly, knowing I shouldn’t have but there was so much unresolved anger towards my mother that I couldn’t take it.
“I regret all those things I said to you after your father’s death, I should never have blamed you. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t believe the story about Nathan, I should never have said you were the reason behind his death when it was the drunk driver that hit you and I almost lost both of you that night. You know the only reason you survived was because the ambulance was on its way back and noticed the accident.” I snapped my gaze around to so fast she was startled and I stared at her, why had I never been told this before? I knew my father had died instantly from impact but that I almost died as well, I’m alive by a stroke of pure luck.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I spoke, my voice low shocking not just me but my mother as well.
“How do you tell an 18 year old who just lost her father, who also happened to be daddy’s little girl, that she almost died in the same accident. You knew there was a chance you would because you had to have surgery, I didn’t see the point in panicking you further.”
I didn’t know how to respond because she was right, if me knowing that I only survived by a mere miracle, how would that change anything? Would it cause me more guilt over my father’s death or would it have made things easier between my mother and I? Is that why she pulled away so easily from me, because I almost died and she didn’t know how to deal with that as well.
My eyes welled up and I just buried my face in my hands when I heard movement beside me.
“Here,” I looked up and found my standing above me holding out something, I grabbed and looked at it. “It’s my 30 day chip, I’ve been sober for 30 days. My doctor believes I will live a little bit longer without the excessive drinking but I think what really did it was when Lee abused me on the phone. I always believed she was on my side even if she didn’t visit as much, but that phone call changed everything.”
“How?” I questioned as we both settled into the couch and talked about everything, as well as shedding some much needed tears between the two of us.