I have tried on multiple occasions to sit down and right but nothing and it just makes me feel worse.
I have two posts for you and that will be the end of Dri and her story, there is this one and then the following one will be a time jump to see how their lives end up because I've had that written for a while now, knowing how I want the story to end.
I know there will be some questions left unanswered, like the brief mention of Rose a few posts back.
I will try my best to tie everything up but leave a comment on the things you want answered the most and I will try my best to answer them, whether in the next post or a response in the comments.
Again, I apologise for my lack of communication.
Things are still weird with my mother after I went back home and we spoke about everything, I understand her reasoning a bit better and she understands mine. She was afraid she would lose my support during a time when she needed family most and that was partly why she wrote the letter.
I explained that I would be there for her because she was family, I just didn’t know how to be there for her just yet but at least now with everything out in the open I knew I would be there if she called me and I could be there.
I didn’t know if I was willing to put my whole life on hold just yet for her because truth was, for the last 7 years she hasn’t been the best mother or even a mother at all towards me and a simple apology and conversation can’t change that, can’t change the way I felt and how we both acted.
I starred at my bed where I had a pile of my clothes sitting and I began to question everything again. I was unsure if I was doing the right thing or not.
I felt a pair arms wrap around my waist and I instantly relax in Spencer’s arms, “what are you doing here babe?” I questioned before turning around and putting my arms around his neck.
He softly kissed me before resting his forehead against mine. “I missed you, I was so worried on the weekend when you took off for the day. It was only because Emery and Sutton rang home to see if you had turned up that we realised where you went.”
“I know and I’m sorry but I just needed to do it without anyone bugging me, making sure I was fine or anything else ridicules like that. I needed my space to do that and talk to my mother about the letter and everything.”
“I know, I don’t blame you. I would want the same closure but is everything okay now?” he questioned and I placed my face against his chest.
“I’m unsure, things are different for sure. I won’t be ignoring her phone calls anymore or actively withholding information but I don’t know if I can put my life on hold to move back out there when things gets worse and she needs the help and support.”
“Worry about that when it comes to it, you said your mum is fine. Just tired right?” I nodded against his chest and he kissed the top of my head. “Now what are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re finally cleaning out your wardrobe.”
I laughed before pulling away and smiling at him, “I’m packing.”
Spencer frowned at me for a moment. “Why, where are you going?” his voice was low, he was worried about something and I was confused as to why.
“Because my boyfriend asked me to move in with him,” I put a smile on my face as his jaw dropped taking in what I just said.
“Wait, hold up a minute.” He pulled away from me and I frowned. “Where is this coming from? Not that I’m not happy because I am, you come home from dinner with the girls in a bad mood, you take off to see your mother for the day and then you threw yourself into your work and I’ve barely seen you all week.”
“Emery may have knocked some sense into me after dinner with the girls, did you know that Alex and Sutton are engaged?” I pulled away from him completely as I walked over and took a seat on my bed.
“Are you annoyed that they’re engaged and we aren’t?” I looked at Spencer at the sound of the question, unsure of what he was truly asking me but he wasn’t even looking at me. I was worried, I haven’t seen him look like this for months, he was shifting between his feet staring at the ground.
“I don’t know…” he slowly lifted his gaze to look at me, he looked like a wounded puppy. “When you came out for my birthday, what was with that moment in the shower? Was that an actual proposal, would you have not taken it back had I not panicked like I did?”
“I need to know Spence, was it just a conversation or if I didn’t panic and said yes I thought of a future would you, would that have been a real proposal, would we be engaged?” Spencer pressed his hands into eyes and I knew what he was doing, he was trying to prevent his tears from falling and I knew the answer.
It was a real proposal and he was hurt by my panic, it was why he took off like he did that morning. As to if it was planned or a spur of the moment idea, I have no idea.
I quickly stood up and made my way over to him, I pulled his hands away from his face and he refused to look at me. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to answer, I get it.” I spoke softly hoping he would finally look at me.
“No you don’t get it Dri, I didn’t even plan to say anything. You were the one that asked what was on my mind, it all just came out like word vomit. Yes I’ve thought about marrying you but I didn’t plan that moment Dri. Everything between us felt so normal that night, even our fight was normalish for us. It all felt like nothing bad had happened between us and that statement slipped out of my mouth, if it wasn’t that normal then maybe I would have tried to cover up what I was thinking with something else.” He averted his gaze again and I took a deep breath before cupping his face causing him to look at me.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you, my panic causing you pain. We had been through so much and I just didn’t see that coming, us being normal or not. I hate hurting you like I do and that moment, I hate that most.”
“What would you have said, if my proposal was under different circumstances?” my eyes went wide and he stared at me for a moment. “Wait, I don’t want to know that.” He shook his head before pulling away from me and I had no choice but to wrap my arms around myself.
“Are you alright?”
He looked at me for a moment before nodding his head and walking back over to me and hugging me, “why did you ask about that day?”
“It’s been bugging me ever since that day, I needed to know the reasoning behind that weird proposal.”
“Okay but why is it in that moment and that night when I gave you Cooper, you panicked. I know when I gave you Cooper there was no mention of a proposal but you yet again you panicked when I stated that I love you and wanted a future with you. What is so bad with the idea of me proposing to you?” This time it was my turn to pull away from him, I sat back down on my bed and stared at the floor.
I shook my head, not responding at first. I knew I had to word my next sentence carefully, otherwise I would completely screw things up.
“We have been through so much in the last few months and I’m terrified we can’t get passed it all and return to what was normal for us. As much as I trust you when you say you won’t run again, we can’t know for sure what happens in the future. It’s partly why I didn’t agree to move in with you straight away, I’m terrified that something is going to come along and it’s going to ruin us just when I think everything is perfect again between us.” Tears silently fell down my cheeks as Spencer moved to kneel in front of me.
“Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” I gave him a sad smile as he wiped away my tears. “I know I promised you that I won’t leave because I don’t want to lose you but that doesn’t mean our future won’t change. I’m trying everything to keep you happy and with me but remember as well as me taking off, you found someone else so I have those issues as well. I love you Dri and we are taking it one day at a time but falling in love is all about risk, take the risk with me?” he gave me a smile and I couldn’t help return it.
“Emery said the same thing, she said I should take the risk. Being in love is all about taking risks, your risking your heart with someone, your risking everything.”
“You should listen to Emery, she’s smart.” He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but laugh and shake my head at him. “Are you going to move in with me still, after everything we just spoke about?”
“Do you still want me too?” my smile was huge at the slight nod of his head before I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him hard. “Then yes I still plan on moving in with you.”
“You’ve made me so happy right now.” Spencer spoke before nuzzling my neck, in this moment I was truly happy as well despite being in tears moments ago.