Looking Into The Future

“Where are we going?” I questioned Spencer but all he did was laugh in response.

I was currently blindfolded, I had no idea what he had in mind for our date tonight and I would lying if I said I wasn’t slightly nervous.

“I love you, you know that right?” Spencer whispered in my ear, he had pulled the car over at wherever we were. If it wasn’t for the blindfold I would glare at him.

I turned my head away from him, “if you loved me, you wouldn’t blindfold me like this.”

Things had been great between Spencer and I once we got past everything that came out during our last joint therapy session, we had both been in the wrong at one point or another in our relationship. We both had to work to try and put that hurt and anger aside so it wouldn’t ruin our relationship any more than it had.

Now we both just had to work out our own issues in our separate therapy sessions.

“Oh come on, don’t be like this. It’s a surprise, why can’t I do this for you?” he placed a hand under my jaw and forced me to look at him even though I can’t see him but I crossed my arms.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that you turned up at my apartment and told me you had plans for us. You told me to shower and get dressed before blindfolding me, come on Spence I know you’re into some kinky shit but if you’re dragging me to a BDSM club I won’t be happy.”

“I’m the one into BDSM? Your book library on your phone is full of that shit…” I felt the blush crept up my face and he laughed at me before kissing my forehead.

I might enjoy reading some of those books, although the books he was referring too not all of them were BDSM but it’s not something Spence and I had ever experimented with. Yes we’ve played with handcuffs and other stuff but nothing like that.

“I promise you, it’s nothing like. It’s a date that may hopefully end up with us having sex but I don’t think it will.”

“Why, what have you planned? Everyone knows it’s not normal for us to not have sex,” I questioned and at first he was silent, I was scared he had snuck out and left me here alone but then he placed his hand on my arm.

“You’re right, it’s not normal. Just wait and see what I have planned, just wait there and I will help you out on the other side.” I nodded at him and it wasn’t long until he was around at my side of the car and opened the door helping me out.

I still had no idea where we were going, I know at one point we had gotten into an elevator but I was more confused than ever.

It wasn’t until I heard the rustling of keys that I pulled on Spencer’s hand, “please don’t tell me we’re breaking into someone’s apartment.” I hissed at him and he laughed.

I knew he was still living with Alec and I knew there wouldn’t be any reason Alec would have left the apartment empty for the night unless he had a date. It’s why Spencer and I spent so much time at my apartment, because he was too damn fussy to find something of his own.

“Nope, I promise we aren’t and don’t worry, I didn’t kick Alec out of his own apartment. In fact all I did was drive around the block a couple of times before pulling back up near your apartment.” He teased and even though he couldn’t see it I rolled my eyes.

“You didn’t, that’s the most idiotic thing I’ve heard and come on Spence, I’ve heard a lot from you.”

He didn’t say anything as he pulled me into where we were going and I heard the door shut, it was followed by him wrapping his arms around me from behind.

“Was it idiotic when I told you that I loved you for the first time? Or when I told you that I wanted you in my future, not anyone else?” that was when I tensed up.

He couldn’t be could he? I know he’s said before that he could see us getting married in the future and he wanted all that that comes with it with me. But could he really be proposing right now, tonight?

He let out a sigh before softly kissing my neck, “I’m not proposing tonight, I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I promise Dri, no proposal tonight.”

Even though he couldn’t see it, there was a smile on my face and I felt butterflies in my stomach. He said no proposal tonight, and that was a good sign right? It meant after everything we’ve been through he still wanted to marry me at some point in the future.

“Alright enough of this, come with me.” he laced his fingers with mine before pulling me forward and I was now incredibly curious as to what he had planned.

He finally stopped us walking and pulled the blind fold away and I was shocked at the scene, there was a picnic set up on the floor with lit candles placed in the room.

I turned and looked at Spencer with my mouth opened, I had no words for what he has done. It was perfect and amazing and I just don’t know how to put it into words.

“Do you like it babe?” worry laced his voice, I couldn’t believe he was that concerned because it wasn’t like he hasn’t done something like this before.

“No Spence…I love it. It’s perfect, why did you do this?” I questioned, having no idea what the reasoning behind this was.

He flashed me a smile before pulling me close, “I have two reasons. One because I can, it’s been too long since we’ve done something like this, we’ve both been so busy with work lately and two, it doesn’t matter and I know it doesn’t mean anything anymore but if we hadn’t of broken up…”

“Hah! So you admit we broke up,” I grinned at him and he shook his head with a low growl escaping his lips.

“Don’t interrupt me, we agreed to break up when I told you I was moving to London, that is what I was referring too. As I was saying, if we hadn’t broken up. Today would have been our anniversary, I know you aren’t the biggest fan but after everything we’ve been through in the last twelve months, I really wanted to do something tonight. I believe that after everything we will be fine, we’ve agreed to therapy to get past the last couple of hurdles. But I love you, I want to show you that I love you and I wanted to tell you all of this while having a night like this.”

My eyes welled up as I smiled at him and I leaned up on my toes so I was closer to his face, “are you sure you weren’t planning on proposing tonight, because that sounded like one to me.”

“Trust me baby,” I scrunched my face up, I was having a problem with the whole ‘baby’ nickname because both Damon and Nathan called me that and right now, I just couldn’t stomach it. “Sorry, if I was proposing it would be a hell of a lot better than that.”

“We’ll see, we’ve now had two moments where I’ve believed you are proposing. I don’t know how you are going to top them.”

He grinned at me before pressing his lips against mine and tightening his grip on my waist, “come on let’s eat.” He pulled away and led me over to the blanket so we could eat.

“Okay so I have one more surprise,” we had finished eating not long ago and we were just sitting here looking out the windows talking when Spencer threw this one at me.

“Really?” I grinned at him and he nodded before standing up and holding a hand out for me to help me up.

“Yes and again I’m going to have to cover your eyes so no peaking,” I frowned as he stepped behind me and placed a hand over my eyes and began leading me somewhere.

I stayed silent hoping to hear anything to give away the surprise but I couldn’t hear anything, all I could hear was our footsteps and breathing. It wasn’t until I heard a door opening that I heard a strange noise, I knew I’ve heard it before but I couldn’t place it.

Spencer removed his hand and once again I was speechless at what was in front of me.

It All Comes Out

First off I want to a note stating I have never been in therapy, nor do I know a therapist to get any help on this post with.

If any of my readers are therapists or have been in therapy themselves and this post is far from the truth I do apologise, I believe that this is the only way for Dri and Spencer to get past their issues. This is the only post that will cover their therapy sessions for obvious reasons while the rest do get mentioned from time to time.

If anyone can help me improve this post then I am all ears. 

*** 22nd May ***
I have updated a little bit at the end of their therapy session before they leave after someone had left a comment mentioning how what I wrote isn't realistic, so I have changed it in hopes things will be more realistic.

I stared at the therapist Jess, she wanted us to do what?

We had seen Jess for a couple of sessions now, and she wanted us to do this now? What the hell were her credentials again?

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Spencer questioned and I’m glad one of us was able to speak.

“I said I believe there is a lot of unspoken resentment between the two of you and I think it should come out. So start.” She looked at us as if she asked us what our favourite colours were.

“How could that work, what if it makes things worse?” I finally spoke.

“You are both here trying to work on your separate issues as well as the issues in your relationship, you can’t work on the issues in your relationship unless they get brought up.”

Neither Spencer nor I said anything in response, we looked at Jess. It was obvious she didn’t have anything to say, she just wanted us to speak to each other.

I looked at Spencer and he looked at me, he was worried about what was going to happen and if I was being honest I was as well.

“I hate that you panicked as soon as that letter from Nathan turned up you panicked and left, you couldn’t handle it. You didn’t even stick around long enough to see what would happen with him.”

“You want to go back that far? Fine, how about you not telling me about Nathan to begin with? So much had been kept from me, do I know it all now or is there still more surprises waiting for me?”

“No…” I spoke softly while hanging my head.

We went silent after that, it was like we were avoiding the real topic of discussion.

“What else are you keeping from me while you were in London? Was it just Scarlett you had sex with or were there others?”

Spencer took a deep breath before speaking, I had a feeling it wouldn’t be good. “Yes there were others…”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ALL THIS TIME AND YOU REFUSED TO TELL ME ABOUT THEM!”

“You had Damon Dri, what the hell was I meant to do. Sit around in my hotel room and do sweet fuck all?”

“At least I told you about Damon, you didn’t tell me shit! I had hear about how depressed and broken you were from everyone, or were they lying?”

“We barely spoke after you told me about Damon, I didn’t know where we stood so I didn’t see the point.”

“What about before Damon?” it came out barely a whisper, I don’t know if I wanted to hear the answer.

“Just one, afterwards it just made me realise how much I missed you. The following morning I sent you those plane tickets to come see me.”

“You what, oh god Spencer that’s disgusting. You were thinking of me while you were having sex with some girl, how many times have you thought about other people while you were having sex with me?” I yelled at him and he flinched.

“None Dri, I love you only you.”

“Some love, you were the one that suggested we sat down and cleared the air about what happened while we were broken up but yet you didn’t tell me any of this, why Spence?” my eyes welled up, I didn’t realise just how much it would hurt having him deceive me this much.

“Because when you told me it was just those two, I chickened out. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But yet I’m hurt now Spence.”

“It’s understandable but what about me? You were dating someone else, I had to deal with the fact you found someone else, someone who you thought was better than me! And yet you were the one telling me you couldn’t trust me!” Spencer yelled and I turned around so I wasn’t looking at him.

He was furious and I was crying, why the hell did our therapist think this was a good idea again?

“There if that seems to be everything, I understand you both aren’t happy but it will be better in the end for you two now that everything is out in the open.” I wanted to scoff but I didn’t have the energy.

"Dri?" I heard Spencer question softly but I refused to look at him, it wasn't until he placed a hand on my neck that I finally did.

All of Spencer's previous anger was gone noticing that I was crying, he reached up and wiped away my tears.

"I do trust you, I'm just scared." My voice was low and quiet but he nodded.

"I know babe and I'm sorry for everything, lying and keeping secrets from you. I honestly didn't want to hurt you like this." I jerked my head out of his hands.

All I've heard from him in regards to Scarlett and the rest of the women was that he was sorry and he didn't want to hurt me, but it doesn't change the fact that I am hurting, now because of it.

"Is there anything you would like to say to Spencer to Dri, he apologies for lying, what about you? You kept secrets as well." Jess questioned and I looked at her.

"Yes about Nathan and everything that happened when I was eighteen, I honestly thought that part of my life was over so I didn't see the point in telling Spencer about him. I told him what I thought he should know, how was I meant to know that Nathan was going to come back?" I questioned but Jess didn't show any movements or say anything to begin with and I wondered as to if she actually heard me.

"But Nathan reappeared and nothing else was said." Jess finally spoke.

"Nathan reappeared and Spencer also took off..." I muttered and I heard Spencer let out a sigh beside me, I snuck a look at the clock, grateful for that to be the end of our session.

“And that is the end of our session, I think from now on we should have separate sessions and I will revaluate after that.” I didn’t say anything, I just grabbed my bag and stormed out not even bothering to make my next appointment, I figured I would ring once I’ve calmed down.

“Dri please stop,” I heard Spencer’s voice, my steps faltered and I turned to look at him.

"I just need some space," I spoke quietly before walking over and softly kissing his cheek. I left after that, not letting him get another word in knowing he had to pay the bill this session.

I walked out of the bathroom after having a shower to see Spencer sitting on the bed, “what are you doing here? Worried I found someone else and they would be in my bed?”

“That was a cheap shot Dri, I have never once questioned if you would cheat on me.”

“But yet you had no problem jumping into someone else’s bed as soon as we broke up.”

“That’s not true, it was ages after your birthday that the first one happened. I know it’s not an excuse but I was out drinking with some of the people in the London office…”

“Was the first one Scarlett?”

“No, the first one was just some random girl at the bar but I meant what I said, it made me realise how much I missed you. Then you turned up and told me you found someone else, I figured if you could date someone then I could do what I want and not worry about hurting you anymore.”

I walked over and pulled out some clothes and got dressed before joining him on my bed.

“Please tell me you got tested before having sex with me again…”

“That’s all you’ve got to say, no joke about me being a man whore or whatever just that I might have caught something.” I looked at him and he had a small smile on his face.

“What was the deal with Scarlett? Alec mentioned something how he was unsure as to what was going on between the two of you.”

“Scarlett works with me but based in the London office, I believe now she is doing the job they wanted me to do. It was just a friends with benefits arrangement.” Spencer reached over to grab my hand but I pulled it away from him.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me all of this, why did you have to hide it from me?”

“Because I hate seeing you like this,” he reached over and wiped my tears away, I was glad his hand didn’t stay on my face.

“You wouldn’t have been able to keep from me forever.”

“I know and I’m so sorry babe.”

“No other secrets or resentment towards me?”

“Well aside from me still dealing with you finding someone else there is one more secret.”

“Spencer!” I scolded and he flinched slightly before grabbing my hands, I couldn’t even pull them away.

“It’s nothing like that I promise, my mother is back on that arranged marriage deal again.”

“So Rose is back?” I was told about Rose early in our relationship, before I had met his parents. He wanted me to have some warning in case she was mentioned but I had always assumed he had solved that issue.

“Yes…” I shook my head before standing up and leaving him alone in my room.

Apologies

I was bawling my eyes out.

I would never in my wildest dreams have thought that the letter my mother had written me would make me cry like I was, I hadn’t even finished the stupid thing yet.

I don’t know what made me give in and read the stupid letter when I got home from work, maybe it was my argument with Spencer yesterday.

I was barely 10 minutes into the first movie when I wanted to chase after Spencer and apologise for what was said but I couldn’t, the same reason I knew why he wouldn’t come back. We both needed to cool down, I was still a little unsure if today would be the best day for our first therapy session.

Kirsten had come through for us and found a therapist she thought would be a good fit for us, they had also decided that the first couple of sessions should be between the two of us before separating us because we knew we had our own issues to work through.

I looked at my phone realising I still had some time before I had to leave and meet Spencer, I looked back at the letter.

I couldn’t believe she was apologising for everything, the way she treated me after my father was killed, the fact that she distanced herself from me when she realised I wasn’t the girly daughter she had always hoped to have.

There was so many things that had gone wrong between us and she apologised for every single one of them but the one that shook me the most was her apologising for what happened with Nathan.

Lee had told me that when she went out there to visit her that there was no alcohol in sight, the house was completely clean. Apparently our mother hasn’t had a drop of alcohol since that phone call with Lee, she said she wanted to be completely sober her last few months so she could at least be there with us before things turned.

At first I was hesitant as to whether or not I would believe what was written in this letter but it was the dried up tear drops on the hand written letter that made me realise she was sorry.

I don’t know what made her change her mind about Nathan and at this point in time I didn’t care, I just needed time to process everything she apologised for before I talk to her.

I needed to make sure this was something I wanted, did I want to push past everything that was wrong with my childhood because she couldn’t see any fault in her actions or did I want to forget the way she treated me when my father died because she blamed me?

The knock at the door pulled me from the letter and I left it sitting on my bed as went to open the door, I was shocked to see Spencer standing there because I assumed I was meeting him at the therapist’s office.

His eyes went wide as he took in the sight of me, “oh god, please don’t tell me your still upset with me.”

I shook my head trying push the tears back but all Spencer did was step forward and wrap his arms around me while pushing the door shut.

“What happened babe?” he spoke softly while rubbing my back in hopes of calming me down.

“I read the letter from my mother, she apologised for everything. She stated that the only reason she hated you was because you lived in the city, she was afraid that you would prevent me from moving back home to start a family. She said she really likes you and approves of you because she knows you will be able to take care of me, all she ever wanted was someone to take care of me and make sure I wasn’t struggling in life.” I choked out and he stiffened, it didn’t take long for him to relax again in my arms.

“I wonder what caused the change of heart for her…” Spencer trailed off and I had a feeling he wasn’t expecting a response from me.

“The cancer, I think it’s finally sunk in that she might die. Her doctor told her to stop drinking but she didn’t, Lee said that when she was out there last week that there was no alcohol in the house.” I pulled away from Spencer and looked at him, he frowned before wiping away my tears.

“Are you going to talk to her?”

I shrugged in response, “I guess that’s what therapy is for.”

I pulled away from him and headed into the kitchen where the key Spencer placed was still sitting, I picked up and looked at him.

“Here you should have this,” I held it out for him and he just stood there for a moment before stepping forward and wrapped his hand around mine.

“You don’t have to give it back because of yesterday, you have your own reasons for not handing out spare keys and I understand. I’m sorry for not realising your fear of random people entering the apartment, I’m not going to make things hard for you.”

“But you were right yesterday, you had a key last time and a part of us fixing things and getting back to normal includes trust. I trust and love you, I want you to have this.” I gave him a smile and he instantly smiled back before hugging me.

“I love you Dri, so much it hurts. I hate fighting with you.” He mumbled against my hair and I let out a sigh.

“I hate fighting with you too but maybe therapy will help with that, maybe it will be more beneficial than we think. I know you convinced me that it would be good to help get over my fears of what Nathan did but maybe us seeing the therapist as a couple…will be beneficial as well.”

Spencer pulled away and looked at me, he nodded before burying his face in the crook of my neck. Who would have thought that to begin with he was trying to convince me to see a therapist, that now? Now it seemed as though he was more hesitant than I am, but he was still doing it for me.

“Let me go wash my face and then we should leave,” he nodded as I pulled away completely heading towards the bathroom.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t completely nervous for what would happen today, but I also knew we need it. We both needed it.

Just as I reached the front door Spencer grabbed me and pinned me against the wall, I had to take a deep breath to stop the panic from setting in.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to panic you. This may not work, for either of us. But I promise I will try, I’m against this as much as you are but we both need to heal and move on.” I nodded and he cupped my face before roughly kissing me.