Monday, 10 October 2016


I was standing in the kitchen pulling everything of the fridge that was needed.

It has been way too long since all of my friends were together, it was unbelievable how hectic and crazy our lives can be and it’s only been four years since Carter was born.

I found out I was pregnant only a couple of weeks after I moved in with Spencer, something that came as a shock to both of us when I found out.

At first we were both unsure as to what to do about the pregnancy, whether or not we should keep it, go through with the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption, there were so many options and we couldn’t figure out what we wanted.

We were arguing for weeks trying to make a decision, one simple decision about the life of an unborn baby and I was questioning the chance of our relationship surviving the pregnancy and the baby once he was born.

“There you are, I was wondering where you were.” I jumped at the sound of Sutton’s voice and quickly turned around to face her before rushing over and giving her a hug.

Sutton was the person I probably haven’t seen in the longest amount of time, nearing Fashion Week she has been jet setting all over the place, it was something that Alex had complained about the other night when he joined Spencer and I for dinner. In fact I’m surprised she was able to make it today.

“I’ve really missed you,” I exclaimed pulling away getting a good look at her, I really have missed her.

“Really? I would have thought considering Alex and I were the last ones to turn up you would have been bouncing to answer the door, instead Emery did.” Normally her and Alex being the last ones to turn up would shock me but she had given me the heads up that she was flying in before coming to ours, I wouldn’t have been surprised if they stopped by their place first.

“Emery has all right to miss you as well and that damn girl practically lives here, we need to find her a goddamn boyfriend.” I grumbled and Sutton just laughed.

“Why would I need a boyfriend when I have this handsome fella to keep me company all day long,” I heard Emery’s voice and I turned to look at her holding Carter.

“Mamma!” he exclaimed before squirming in Emery’s arms.

“Because this isn’t your damn house Emery, it’s mine.” I growled at her but she only grinned in response and I could hear Sutton stifle her laugh.

“Speaking of this damn house, where is Spencer?” Emery’s question made me freeze, I didn’t know how to answer.

I was hoping he would have returned from his office before everyone had turned up but he hadn’t he was still hiding away and I was hurt. I couldn’t believe he was being like this.

“Dri what’s wrong?” Emery questioned and it was then I realised my eyes had welled up. I quickly placed Carter on the ground and gave him a smile.

“Baby go find Uncle Alec,” I didn’t need him here for this conversation, he was already asleep last night when Spencer left and this morning I just stated he was working and Carter happily took it before going back to his colouring.

“Okay mamma,” he grinned at me before running out of the room.

“Spencer spent the night at his office…” I trailed off before heading to the fridge.

“Wait, did you tell him?” Emery questioned.

“What am I missing?” Sutton spoke sounding confused and I just took a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant,” I stated and Sutton’s face was showing a range of emotions before she looked at me with empathy and I knew why.

It was hard between Spencer and I when I was pregnant with Carter, instead of large range of emotions due to hormones I was constantly peeved, the smallest thing set me off.

It was another thing that made me think that Spencer and I wouldn’t last, but I look back at those nine months where I was pregnant and he was so patient with me, he didn’t have to put up with me the way he did but yet he did because he loved me and I love him, I truly do.

If I wasn’t pregnant any number of those moments where I snapped and yelled at him, he would have fought back, it would have turned into a full blown argument between the two of us and ended badly and I’m so grateful to this day that it didn’t.

“Maybe he was just shocked with the news Dri, knowing you two you probably spat it out in anger.” Sutton rolled her eyes and Emery laughed.

“Do we really have to talk about this right now?”

“You’re right, let’s talk about when Sutton and Alex are going to have children.” Emery exclaimed before clapping her hands together and this time Sutton looked put out and I laughed.

“Okay, okay. So I haven’t told Alex yet but I am actually pregnant.” I almost dropped the bowl I was holding, I placed it on the bench before rushing over and hugging her.

Sutton and Alex having been trying to have children for years but it just wasn’t working, they had both been tested and everything came back fine. They were just unlucky when it came down to it and I knew every time Sutton looked at Carter she would see what she was missing out on and it was partly why I told Emery I was pregnant and not her.

In fact it wasn’t long after I gave birth to Carter and we had all our friends helping on a number of occasions that it made Sutton and Alex realise that they too wanted children one day, but they wanted to wait until they were married.

If fact their wedding happened so quickly, everyone thought that maybe she was pregnant as well but she wasn’t. Still to this day, no one knows the true reason as to why they only got married mere weeks after I found out I was pregnant, their response every single time was that they were in love and didn’t want to wait.

“I’m so happy for you,” I spoke while hugging her and Emery quickly joined in on it.

But before any of us could say anything else, a quiet voice interrupted us. “Hi,” we all looked over and found Spencer standing there holding a bouquet of flowers looking incredibly guilty.

Both Emery and Sutton gave my arm a squeeze before leaving me alone in the kitchen with Spencer, I didn’t say anything as they left I just leaned against the counter and looked away from him.

“I’m so sorry for the way I reacted last night, I know I shouldn’t have taken off like I did. I truly am happy that you’re pregnant and we’re having another baby. But I panicked alright, that’s the honest truth. We were a mess when you were pregnant with Carter, I panicked not knowing what was going to happen this time round.”

“We’re not even talking about this right now Spence, you took off last night. We’re married for god sake! You can’t just take off every time something goes wrong in our lives, we’re meant to work on it together.” I hissed at him before picking the bowl back up.

Some days I still couldn’t believe that Spencer and I were married.

After all the times where he made jokes about his proposals being big and over the top that I would definitely know it was happening, his actual proposal was the complete opposite. He proposed in my hospital room after I had given birth to Carter, despite us fighting for most of the pregnancy, him sticking around was enough to know how much he cared.

It wasn’t until before we were leaving the hospital, finally able to take Carter home that Spencer appeared with a ring in hand, he even stated when he proposed that he had a ring, wasn’t making Alex’s mistake but it was hidden at Alec’s.

It was in that moment, seeing the ring that I panicked and made sure this was what he wanted, after everything we’ve been through in the last nine months. His response was that, yes we had a rocky nine months, but we also had a rocky couple of months before hand and we made it through that. He believed enough in us that he knew we could get through it, he loved me and loved Carter and wanted us to be a family.

It took a while for us to actually get married, in fact we had only gotten married last year and I was scared a second pregnancy might ruin what we had finally worked so hard towards.


“Don’t Spence, we have guests and after last night you’re lucky I’m not kicking you out.” I spoke harshly but his face didn’t change, he walked up to me and grabbed the bowl from my hands before placing it on the counter.

“Babe looked at me,” he spoke softly while stroking my cheek and I couldn’t help but do as he said, I really did love him and after everything we’ve been through him spending the night at the office because he panicked isn’t that big deal of a deal compared to everything else we have dealt with in the past.

“What Spence?” I snapped at him and he let out a sigh before resting his forehead against mine.

“I love you Dri.”

“I love you too Spence but we will talk about this later,” I spoke and he nodded as I picked the bowl back up to head out to the dining room, I turned and looked at him before I left the room. “Oh and before you try to convince me otherwise, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” I smirked at him and he frowned.

I walked into the dining room and placed the bowl on the table, looking around at my family, the people I loved dearest.

Over the years Belle and Jess had drifted away, moved out of the city with their partners and we did catch up every few weeks. I missed both of them and we understand that our lives have gone in different directions but I still had Sutton and Emery while Spencer still had Alex and Alec.

“Oi cut it out,” Spencer growled and when I looked around I couldn’t help but laugh at what he was annoyed at.

Not long after I had given birth to Carter Lee had moved to the city to be closer to both me and our mother, I hated that she gave up her dream school to be closer to us but she was still following her dreams and I couldn’t fault her for that.

Especially considering how much I needed her when Carter was six months old, our mother’s health didn’t last long. She was able to meet her grandson and be there for the first six months of his life, whether or not he would remember it but it made her happy to see at least one grandchild being born.

Something snapped for both Lee and I when our mother passed away and it was hard, despite having a bad mother daughter relationship we still took the death of her incredibly hard. I was happy having my sister around permanently and I didn’t realise how much I missed her while she was studying in a different city.

Spencer and I don’t know when it happened, neither of them will tell us, maybe with fear of what will happen but somewhere along the way Lee and Alec had begun dating, something that Spencer despised.

Spencer saw Lee as a younger sister, something which I was grateful for, I loved that Spencer and Lee were so close but it also meant that Spencer hated that she was dating someone like Alec, a giant man whore were his exact words when we realised what was happening.

But I knew Alec, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt the people that Spencer and I loved, he wouldn’t do something like this unless he actually felt something towards my sister.

“So when are we going to find exactly when this all started?” Emery questioned with a large grin on her face while pointing a finger at the two of them.

“Is lunch ready yet Dri?” Alec questioned with a smug look on his face, walking over to the table and I rolled my eyes.

I think there was a part of both Alec and Lee that refused to say anything about their relationship because it annoyed Spencer.

“Do I really have to sleep on the couch?” I turned at the sound of Spencer’s voice and found in him leaning in the doorway to our bathroom.

Dinner was finished and everyone had headed home for the night but I knew with everyone in town for the weekend that chances are they would all be back tomorrow.

“You took off Spencer,” I responded softly and he frowned before walking over and wrapping his arms around me.

“I panicked, we haven’t spoken once about another child and Carter is four, I thought maybe we were past having children but babe I am thrilled, don’t get me wrong. I love Carter, and you, I will also love this new baby of ours.” I felt Spencer press his lips into my hair and I just pressed my face against his chest for a moment before looking up at him.

“You didn’t even say anything after I told you, you just left. How do you think that felt on my end? I was terrified to tell you because of how much we fought when I was pregnant with Carter, I just-” I was cut off by Spencer kissing me.

When we broke apart Spencer cupped my face, “I’m so incredibly sorry for doing that, I didn’t even realise how me leaving would be considered. I’m not going anywhere, after everything we have been through, I’m not going anywhere. We made it through all that crap with Nathan and Damon, the court cases, we made it through therapy, we made it through everything with your mum, before and after she got sick, even when she died. Dri we’ve made it through so much, things are different between us now, it won’t be the same this time round.”

I nodded, “I know Spence, it just hurt when you left like that and you never came home. I didn’t even know what to tell Carter when he was asking where you were this morning, I just lied and said you were at work.”

“I really am sorry babe,” Spencer apologised again and I just nodded pulling away, slipping past him and climbing into our bed.

Spencer stayed in his position in the doorway of the bathroom and I sighed, “come on.”

“How far along are you?” Spencer questioned once he was positioned in the bed beside me.

“12 weeks.”

“12 weeks, you’re 12 weeks along and I’m only finding out now?” he questioned and I could hear the anger in his voice.

“Babe, I’ve only known a week. Between our holiday when we went to France and work being crazy I didn’t even realise I missed that many periods until the other week and I instantly made a doctor’s appointment, I’ve barely had morning sickness.” I shifted closer to him and laid my head on his chest, happy when his arms came around me.

“So another baby, hopefully we’ll get that girl you want this time.” Spencer spoke and I nodded.

I couldn’t even remember the reasons as to why I wanted a girl, it could have had something to do with the crappy relationship I had with my mother growing up and I wanted to have a proper mother daughter relationship with a future daughter of mine.

“Carter’s going to be thrilled about being a big brother,” I responded half asleep and Spencer laughed.

Carter has been asking questions more and more over recent months about when he was going to get a brother or sister because so many of his friends in day care have siblings and he didn’t.

We never knew how to respond when he asked, just said one day before abruptly changing the subject and it was pretty easy with a four year.

“You know Alex thinks Sutton is finally pregnant,” Spencer spoke and I sat up to look at him, wondering if I should betray one of my best friends know she was telling her husband tonight. “She is isn’t she?”

I nodded, “she wanted to tell him first but we were talking about my pregnancy and it came out. You know our children will grow up together, ooo what if Lee was pregnant as well,” I spoke with a smirk and I could see the frown instantly appear on his face.

“She better not be or I will kill Alec,” he threatened and I laughed before laying back down beside him.

“You would be happy for them, finally being able to get revenge on all the times Alec has loaded Carter up on sugar before bringing him home.”

“Good point,” Spencer responded gripping my waist and pulling me closer to him. “Now how tired are you?” he questioned, not even letting me respond before he kissed me.

I love Spencer and Carter and the little family we had going as well as the friends we had in our lives that we considered family.

Our lives were so different to what they were five years ago when we went on our break, we were thrown so many curve balls and Spencer was right when he said we made it through it all. There were even things that came our way that may have broken other couples up but they didn’t faze us, we brushed them off before going along with our lives.

Still do this day I am incredibly grateful for having Spencer and Carter in my life and I can’t wait to see where our lives go now, how our family develops and the families of our friends.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Pure Happiness

I have nothing but apologies for my lack of posting and communication. Too put shortly there is a lot going on in my life and it has caused me a lot stress, so much to the point I have made myself sick on a couple of occasions and because of that I haven't had the motivation needed to write.

I have tried on multiple occasions to sit down and right but nothing and it just makes me feel worse.

I have two posts for you and that will be the end of Dri and her story, there is this one and then the following one will be a time jump to see how their lives end up because I've had that written for a while now, knowing how I want the story to end.

I know there will be some questions left unanswered, like the brief mention of Rose a few posts back.

I will try my best to tie everything up but leave a comment on the things you want answered the most and I will try my best to answer them, whether in the next post or a response in the comments.

Again, I apologise for my lack of communication.

Monday, 18 July 2016

Long Over Due

I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving, I just sent all my friends a message stating that I wanted to be left alone for the day before turning my phone off.

I knew Spencer would be worried and pissed off but I also knew if Emery and Sutton tried hard enough they would be able to find out where I went, me returning home was something that usually shocked the residences as it was something I rarely did.

I took a deep breath before opening the front door and entering the house in search of my mother.

I entered the living thinking she would be in there were the bar was located but I was shocked to see it empty, was Lee right? Had our mother finally given up the alcohol?

I entered the kitchen, pulling all the cupboards open thinking that she had begun hiding the alcohol again like last time. There was a time after dad had died that I threatened to leave and take Lee with me, saying college can screw itself since I didn’t want anything to happen to Lee. For weeks it seemed like she took my words to heart but the Alcohol had just been hidden and she was drinking once we were in bed but by that stage it was too late for me to do anything.

I was just glad that while I was away at College nothing bad happened to Lee and I didn’t have to do anything drastic, at least now Lee was old enough to understand and see what she was missing when she was younger.

“Jeez Adrianna, just give me a heart attack why don’t you.” I heard my mother’s voice but I didn’t face her.

“Where is it? I don’t believe this sop story you gave Lee the other week, the alcohol has to be somewhere. You’ve always hidden it, why stop now when you couldn’t even do it when we needed you the most.” I snapped at her as my eyes welled up, slamming the cupboard doors shut.

“There is no alcohol in here, I promise you. I got rid of it all after I accidently told Lee everything, did you read my letter?” she questioned as she took a step closer to me but I just took one back and she got the hint.

“I did but I don’t believe, this has to be another ploy to get us to forgive after everything you’ve done!” I yelled at her and her face changed, the first time in years that me yelling at her has caused a reaction.

“Adrianna!” she scolded me and I finally got a good look at her, she wasn’t looking like her pristine self. There was no make-up on her face, her hair wasn’t done nice and neatly and she was wearing sweats.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?” I apologised and questioned, she was shocked at me apologising. Her letter was the first time either one of us had apologised for anything in years.

“I’m fine, it just takes too much effort to get ready in the morning when I don’t even leave the house.” She shrugged before walking past me to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, she continued along to the living and I had no choice but to follow her.

“Do you really not hate Spencer? For months you refused to spend time with him at all, you always spoke to him with such venom in your voice that we stopped trying.” I questioned while following her.

“I haven’t spent enough time with him to decide if I do or don’t, I meant what I said Adrianna. My main reason was because I believed he would prevent you from moving back home, it’s partly why I kept pushing you on Nathan. I knew Nathan wanted to raise a family here, if you two started a family I knew you would be here.”

“What was your change of heart when it came to Nathan? I spent months trying to convince you what happened after it did but you wouldn’t believe me, you thought I was liar who had something against him.” I wanted to know why she finally changed her mind about him.

“The rumours floating around town, heard he went to jail. His parents refuse to leave their house and when I heard Emery and Sutton’s mother’s talking about your stay in hospital, I started piecing it all together. Why did I have to hear from someone else that you were in hospital again?” I shrugged in response, unsure on how to answer her.

“Do you expect any different now that you’re sick? We’ve always been like this.”

“You didn’t deny he was the reason behind you being in hospital, so I guess it’s true.” I stiffened at her words but didn’t say anything, I just turned away from her unsure of what to say. I was beginning to question why I was here again. “He put you in hospital and that’s what got him sent to jail, it made me wonder if it was really him all those years ago but all of that aside, me being sick and having cancer knowing I’m going to die put a lot of things into perspective.”

“Like what?”

“How I unintentionally pushed both of my daughters out of my life, I was hurt and lost without your father. I had no idea how to go on living without him, we had been together since we were 15.”

“So you stuck to the bottle and put all the blame on me while ignoring the fact that my ex-boyfriend raped and then beat me because I refused to talk to him.” I spoke harshly, knowing I shouldn’t have but there was so much unresolved anger towards my mother that I couldn’t take it.

“I regret all those things I said to you after your father’s death, I should never have blamed you. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t believe the story about Nathan, I should never have said you were the reason behind his death when it was the drunk driver that hit you and I almost lost both of you that night. You know the only reason you survived was because the ambulance was on its way back and noticed the accident.” I snapped my gaze around to so fast she was startled and I stared at her, why had I never been told this before? I knew my father had died instantly from impact but that I almost died as well, I’m alive by a stroke of pure luck.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I spoke, my voice low shocking not just me but my mother as well.

“How do you tell an 18 year old who just lost her father, who also happened to be daddy’s little girl, that she almost died in the same accident. You knew there was a chance you would because you had to have surgery, I didn’t see the point in panicking you further.”

I didn’t know how to respond because she was right, if me knowing that I only survived by a mere miracle, how would that change anything? Would it cause me more guilt over my father’s death or would it have made things easier between my mother and I? Is that why she pulled away so easily from me, because I almost died and she didn’t know how to deal with that as well.

My eyes welled up and I just buried my face in my hands when I heard movement beside me.

“Here,” I looked up and found my standing above me holding out something, I grabbed and looked at it. “It’s my 30 day chip, I’ve been sober for 30 days. My doctor believes I will live a little bit longer without the excessive drinking but I think what really did it was when Lee abused me on the phone. I always believed she was on my side even if she didn’t visit as much, but that phone call changed everything.”

“How?” I questioned as we both settled into the couch and talked about everything, as well as shedding some much needed tears between the two of us.

Monday, 20 June 2016

Buried Feelings

“Dri stop,” Emery called after me before I had the chance to get in the cab, she waved it off and I turned to face her. “Walk with me?” I nodded.

Dinner had finished with the girls and they all left gushing about Sutton and her engagement eagerly talking about things they should immediately start doing, I guess my change in demeanour didn’t go unnoticed by Emery.

“Why are we walking? It’s cold out here.”

“It’s not that cold, I seem to remember how excited you get with the first fall of snow for the season, you love the snow and love spending time out in it over Christmas.”

“Emery…” I warned her.

“Alright fine, I saw the way you reacted in there. You were happy at first but at the sight of Sutton’s ring everything changed, what’s bothering you?”

“You know Spencer asked me to move in with him, he tried to bribe me with Cooper in hopes I would say yes.” I responded, hoping to dodge her question.

“It’s Spencer, your worried your relationship this time round is different and you two won’t be the same. You’re remembering your birthday when you are still unsure as to if he did or did not propose in the shower, have you two spoken about that day yet?” I shook my head in response.

I knew there would come a day where we had to talk about what happened that day when I panicked thinking he was proposing, especially considering we were both seeing a therapist. We might not be having regular sessions together anymore because our therapists believed we would be better off with separate sessions for the time being and it seemed to be working.

“Dri you know you two need to talk about that day, you threw in his face the one mistake he regrets the most that day. He is trying to fix things between the two of you, he is doing therapy for you for god sakes.”

“I don’t want to be there either Emery.”

“I know but my point stands, you are both doing it for each other. I know you two have spoken about what happened while you were apart but you refuse to talk about the moments you had together while apart. When he randomly turned up for the weekend after Nathan attacked you, everything that happened that week following your birthday and that weekend you went to London and told him you were dating someone else. We all want to know what happened that weekend because it broke Spencer Dri.”

“I’m going home Emery, I’ll talk to you later.” I snapped at her before walking off to hail a cab.

“Dri don’t be like that with me.”

“Be like what? The fact that I know I broke Spence when I flew all the way there to tell him I was seeing Damon? You don’t think I regret dating Damon, I still remember the look on his face when I told him about Damon. But I knew I couldn’t do it over the phone, I couldn’t tell him I had started seeing someone else over the phone. I owed it to Spencer and what we had to do it in person even if it killed the both of us.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you that badly. I’m on your side, I want things to work out between you and Spencer but there is only so much I can do on the sidelines when you keep so much from us. He gave you Cooper almost two weeks ago, so it was almost two weeks ago that he asked you to move in with him. Normally you would come straight to us about that but you shut us out, why are you shutting us out Dri?” I turned away from Emery and looked out onto the busy street trying to push my tears back.

We were both silent for a while, I knew if I walked off she would just chase after me. I hadn’t been meaning to shut my friends out, it’s just that so much has happened.

“You’re scared, you let in Damon and it completely backfired. God I’m such an idiot for not realising this sooner, the same thing happened after everything with Nathan the first time. You shut us out, you shut everyone out and at first we just assumed it was because you lost your dad. Dri we’ve been here for you through everything, we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Just please talk to me, stop shutting me out, you know I’m on both of yours and Spencer’s side.”

The tears fell silently as I stared at my best friend, “what if Spencer and I don’t make it. What if I move in with him and everything just crumbles, we didn’t live together last time?”

“But you were together practically every night, the only time you weren’t was when you were both busy with work or he was travelling. You both had things at each other’s apartment and I was used as the pack mule after the break up. Spencer brought an apartment thinking about your future together, it’s a future where he imagines you two have child together. It’s somewhere you can keep Cooper, he’s done all of this because he loves you.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“So you move in with me while you find somewhere else to live,” she shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, why did it seem so easy to her.

“What about my apartment, my year isn’t up yet. I can’t back out now.”

“My lease is up soon and your apartment is so much nicer than mine, I’ll take it.”

“Why are you making it seem like it’s so easy?”

“Because it is, you love Spencer. You’ve admitted before that if you two didn’t go on that break and he didn’t move to London, you wouldn’t even hesitate if he proposed, take him up on his offer of living together and if things don’t work out I will always have a guest room for you.” Emery cupped my face and it got me thinking, is it this easy?