Anxious

I hated this, I hated not knowing what could happen tomorrow.

I felt the same way last time, the last time I had to go to Court and stand in front of a judge and many other people I didn’t know and recount what happened.

It didn’t matter if both Sutton and Emery have told me that this time is different, it didn’t matter. This time didn’t feel any different I still felt terrified that it wouldn’t go my way, that no one would believe what I had to say and that they would believe Nathan over me.

The only thing that surprised me was that I have not received a phone call from my mother asking why I was taking Nathan back to Court. There was a part of me hoping that for once she didn’t believe me, but there was a much bigger that also hoped Nathan hadn’t told my mother in respect to her health.

The girls kept reassuring me that I had a different lawyer so it will be easier and it’s true, this time Harvey was standing by my side even though he didn’t have to. Cases like these aren’t something he normally does, yet he’s doing this for me because he’s been there to help me every time Nathan popped up in my life.

Last time I had a lawyer that the police station managed to convince to take me on, he didn’t even care, just wanted to win. He did and that’s all that matters but still the point stands, he didn’t care and I could have just as easily lost. Was that what both Emery and Sutton kept telling me?

It has been like this for weeks with the girls, they kept reminding it will go just like last time and it was starting to get on my nerves. The only bit of peace I had was when I was with Spencer, he didn’t force me to talk about it. He was constantly doing other things or making plans for me in hopes of distracting me and it was working, I was thankful for it.

The only mention of the looming court appearance from Spencer was every time he questioned to make sure I didn’t want him there, I kept telling him I didn’t. I didn’t want anyone there, what was the point? It made it easier on me, I didn’t have to worry about my friends hearing things that I haven’t told them yet.

But would this one be different because there is no sexual assault charges? Just physical assault charges.

I made it back to my apartment and found Spencer sitting on the floor leaning against the door with his eyes closed. I stood there for a moment and looked at him, he was still incredibly hot and I knew he was still in love me but I still hadn’t made any mention of how I felt. I couldn’t at the moment but I knew if I took too long I would lose him completely. At the moment my life was too complicated and he didn’t deserve that.

“You know if you waited till I got home and answered my phone you wouldn’t have to sit out here waiting for me?” I spoke as I walked closer to him.

When Spencer opened his eyes and looked at me I could tell something was bothering him, “If you just took your phone with you when you went for runs, I wouldn’t be worried right now. Dri, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for almost an hour.”

I ignored him and stepped around him to unlock my apartment, Spencer hated that I hadn’t given him a key, Emery was the only one with a key.

Within a week of returning from visiting Spencer’s parents I found the perfect apartment and I was incredibly happy when I found out that I got it. I decided that I was only giving out one key, it was easier to deal with knowing that only Emery could randomly appear in my apartment.

“Dri are you going to talk to me?” Spencer spoke and I automatically assumed he followed me in. I don’t know how I felt about that since tonight I just wanted to be alone.

“So my run was longer than usual, what’s the big deal?” I spun around so fast that I became a little dizzy but I ignored it as I faced Spencer. There had been moments like this where he became a little too protective and I couldn’t handle it.

“The big deal is you were gone for so long that I started to worry about you. Dri you weren’t answering your phone and even when I came here to check on you I couldn’t hear anything. Normally when you go for a run you’re too lazy to turn whatever you had on to help get rid of the quiet, I panicked because I care about you.” Spencer cupped my face and normally I would melt at his actions but I couldn’t tonight, I couldn’t deal with anyone tonight.

“Well look at that, I’m perfectly fine. You can go back to Alec’s now.” I snapped at him before heading towards my room.

Spencer was still living at Alec’s, he had cleared out his apartment and given it up but he still hadn’t found another apartment. His reasoning was he wanted to buy his next one but nothing was coming up that he wanted.

“What is wrong with you Dri?” Spencer’s voice shocked me. I hadn’t heard him come up behind me.

I turned and looked at him but it was then I realised what I was wearing, “Bloody hell Spencer, you don’t get the right to walk in here anytime you wish anymore. Nothings the same anymore no matter how many times you tell me otherwise and if you don’t remember you were the one that broke up with me! Why the hell are you still sticking around? Are you a sucker for punishment or something?” I yelled at him and I knew I shouldn’t have. When I saw him face get harder I knew I was in for it.

“Are you fucking kidding me Dri! I’m still sticking around because I love you and I’m hoping a part of you still loves me because you’re the one that has been so attached to me ever since waking up in the hospital. I hated seeing how terrified you were at the thought of me moving in with Alec and not being with you in my apartment but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be under the same roof as you. Tell me Dri, why are you so attached to me? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk out this door right now and not come back?” he yelled back and I was shocked. Spencer has never yelled at me like this before but I deserved it, he was right. I couldn’t let him go.

“Because I can’t lose you…” I hung my head and refused to look at him but he had other plans in mind.

Spencer cupped my face and forced me to look at him and I knew this time I wouldn’t be able to pull away easily enough. “Why? Why can’t you lose me Dri?”

All of this time I was so scared of losing Spencer, even when I first told him I was dating Damon. Had me being afraid of losing him meant I had loved him all along but I was too scared to admit it? Even now with the two of us standing here, it felt like nothing had changed between us.

My body was reacting to his. I was itching to step forward and wrap my arms around his neck. The heat was building up in anticipation of what would normally come next. I’d spent so much time with Spencer since coming out of the hospital and so much of the time I would go home sexually frustrated because we didn’t have sex.

But it wasn’t just that, there was a part of me that was coming home a little heartbroken every time because I haven’t heard him say he loved me in too long, he hadn’t kissed me, nothing. It felt like we were dating again but yet his actions weren’t showing it. Maybe I was afraid of admitting I loved him in case he didn’t love me anymore?

“Because I love you Spencer…”