Monday, 11 January 2016

I Feel Like The Biggest Bitch

When I woke in the middle of the night I wasn’t at all surprised to see Spencer lying next to me sound asleep. Most people would consider this weird, to be sharing a bed with your ex-boyfriend but me, well actually yes I do find it weird as well, although considering what happened between us I feel oddly safe with Spencer around.

I quietly snuck out of the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen in hopes of finding some food since I had slept through dinner, I was thrilled to find some of my favourite pizza in the fridge.

If I was being honest, I know I rely too heavily on Spencer considering we aren’t dating anymore but it’s hard to change your ways, even harder knowing it was out of control as to why we had the distance put between us.

Him admitting that he still loved me made me realise that nothing had changed for him and I knew I had to work out how I felt, I also knew that having him constantly around like this isn’t going to be good for him while I’m working it out.

A noise startled me and I jumped around ignoring the pain.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Spencer mumbled in the middle of a yawn but I just frowned at him before turning back to my laptop.

“What are you doing awake?” I questioned when he sat down beside me on the couch realising he wasn’t going back to sleep.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Yes well I’ve been asleep for a lot longer then you.”

“That is also true, why are you looking at apartments?” I looked over at him, if it was anyone else I probably would have hidden my laptop but then he would have known I was hiding something from him.

“I can’t stay here anymore, too many memories, Nathan knows I live here. I just want a fresh start somewhere, I don’t even want my old apartment anymore.”

“Too many memories huh?” I looked over at Spencer and I hated that he was a little hurt.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just everything as a whole, good and bad. You can’t tell me you exactly want to keep living here knowing I had a boyfriend in here?”

I knew Spencer would have had to have an issue staying here knowing I had to have been here at one point with Damon, hell I was pretty sure Spencer knew I had Damon in the Hamptons but that was a different conversation for a different day.

“Did you love him?” Spencer’s question completely shocked me but out of all this that was the one thing I knew for sure.

“No and I don’t even know if I believe him when he said he loved me.”

“Do you believe me when I say I love you?” I nodded while turning my attention back to the laptop, it was easier then looking at his face.

“Will I ever get another chance?” I didn’t know how to answer that.

“Are you moving back home?”

“I am, does that change anything?” I nodded at him because honestly it does, him moving back here will give us the chance to fix what was broken. “Okay, I’m going back to bed. Please don’t stay up all night.”

The only thing I knew for sure was that I was feeling safer having Spencer around, I knew that if he left I would be devastated but would he stick around long enough for me to work out what I still felt for him?

I spent a little bit longer searching for apartments marking the ones I wanted to check out when I was better before going back to bed and curling up beside Spencer.

Him wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close made me feel happy to have him back, I forgot how much I enjoyed these moments with him.

Thinking he was asleep, I let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you’re back Spence.”

“Me too Dri,” he replied sounding incredibly sleepy and for once all day, his response to something like this wasn’t awkward and I took it as a good sign.

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