Long Over Due

I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving, I just sent all my friends a message stating that I wanted to be left alone for the day before turning my phone off.

I knew Spencer would be worried and pissed off but I also knew if Emery and Sutton tried hard enough they would be able to find out where I went, me returning home was something that usually shocked the residences as it was something I rarely did.

I took a deep breath before opening the front door and entering the house in search of my mother.

I entered the living thinking she would be in there were the bar was located but I was shocked to see it empty, was Lee right? Had our mother finally given up the alcohol?

I entered the kitchen, pulling all the cupboards open thinking that she had begun hiding the alcohol again like last time. There was a time after dad had died that I threatened to leave and take Lee with me, saying college can screw itself since I didn’t want anything to happen to Lee. For weeks it seemed like she took my words to heart but the Alcohol had just been hidden and she was drinking once we were in bed but by that stage it was too late for me to do anything.

I was just glad that while I was away at College nothing bad happened to Lee and I didn’t have to do anything drastic, at least now Lee was old enough to understand and see what she was missing when she was younger.

“Jeez Adrianna, just give me a heart attack why don’t you.” I heard my mother’s voice but I didn’t face her.

“Where is it? I don’t believe this sop story you gave Lee the other week, the alcohol has to be somewhere. You’ve always hidden it, why stop now when you couldn’t even do it when we needed you the most.” I snapped at her as my eyes welled up, slamming the cupboard doors shut.

“There is no alcohol in here, I promise you. I got rid of it all after I accidently told Lee everything, did you read my letter?” she questioned as she took a step closer to me but I just took one back and she got the hint.

“I did but I don’t believe, this has to be another ploy to get us to forgive after everything you’ve done!” I yelled at her and her face changed, the first time in years that me yelling at her has caused a reaction.

“Adrianna!” she scolded me and I finally got a good look at her, she wasn’t looking like her pristine self. There was no make-up on her face, her hair wasn’t done nice and neatly and she was wearing sweats.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?” I apologised and questioned, she was shocked at me apologising. Her letter was the first time either one of us had apologised for anything in years.

“I’m fine, it just takes too much effort to get ready in the morning when I don’t even leave the house.” She shrugged before walking past me to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water, she continued along to the living and I had no choice but to follow her.

“Do you really not hate Spencer? For months you refused to spend time with him at all, you always spoke to him with such venom in your voice that we stopped trying.” I questioned while following her.

“I haven’t spent enough time with him to decide if I do or don’t, I meant what I said Adrianna. My main reason was because I believed he would prevent you from moving back home, it’s partly why I kept pushing you on Nathan. I knew Nathan wanted to raise a family here, if you two started a family I knew you would be here.”

“What was your change of heart when it came to Nathan? I spent months trying to convince you what happened after it did but you wouldn’t believe me, you thought I was liar who had something against him.” I wanted to know why she finally changed her mind about him.

“The rumours floating around town, heard he went to jail. His parents refuse to leave their house and when I heard Emery and Sutton’s mother’s talking about your stay in hospital, I started piecing it all together. Why did I have to hear from someone else that you were in hospital again?” I shrugged in response, unsure on how to answer her.

“Do you expect any different now that you’re sick? We’ve always been like this.”

“You didn’t deny he was the reason behind you being in hospital, so I guess it’s true.” I stiffened at her words but didn’t say anything, I just turned away from her unsure of what to say. I was beginning to question why I was here again. “He put you in hospital and that’s what got him sent to jail, it made me wonder if it was really him all those years ago but all of that aside, me being sick and having cancer knowing I’m going to die put a lot of things into perspective.”

“Like what?”

“How I unintentionally pushed both of my daughters out of my life, I was hurt and lost without your father. I had no idea how to go on living without him, we had been together since we were 15.”

“So you stuck to the bottle and put all the blame on me while ignoring the fact that my ex-boyfriend raped and then beat me because I refused to talk to him.” I spoke harshly, knowing I shouldn’t have but there was so much unresolved anger towards my mother that I couldn’t take it.

“I regret all those things I said to you after your father’s death, I should never have blamed you. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t believe the story about Nathan, I should never have said you were the reason behind his death when it was the drunk driver that hit you and I almost lost both of you that night. You know the only reason you survived was because the ambulance was on its way back and noticed the accident.” I snapped my gaze around to so fast she was startled and I stared at her, why had I never been told this before? I knew my father had died instantly from impact but that I almost died as well, I’m alive by a stroke of pure luck.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I spoke, my voice low shocking not just me but my mother as well.

“How do you tell an 18 year old who just lost her father, who also happened to be daddy’s little girl, that she almost died in the same accident. You knew there was a chance you would because you had to have surgery, I didn’t see the point in panicking you further.”

I didn’t know how to respond because she was right, if me knowing that I only survived by a mere miracle, how would that change anything? Would it cause me more guilt over my father’s death or would it have made things easier between my mother and I? Is that why she pulled away so easily from me, because I almost died and she didn’t know how to deal with that as well.

My eyes welled up and I just buried my face in my hands when I heard movement beside me.

“Here,” I looked up and found my standing above me holding out something, I grabbed and looked at it. “It’s my 30 day chip, I’ve been sober for 30 days. My doctor believes I will live a little bit longer without the excessive drinking but I think what really did it was when Lee abused me on the phone. I always believed she was on my side even if she didn’t visit as much, but that phone call changed everything.”

“How?” I questioned as we both settled into the couch and talked about everything, as well as shedding some much needed tears between the two of us.

Buried Feelings

“Dri stop,” Emery called after me before I had the chance to get in the cab, she waved it off and I turned to face her. “Walk with me?” I nodded.

Dinner had finished with the girls and they all left gushing about Sutton and her engagement eagerly talking about things they should immediately start doing, I guess my change in demeanour didn’t go unnoticed by Emery.

“Why are we walking? It’s cold out here.”

“It’s not that cold, I seem to remember how excited you get with the first fall of snow for the season, you love the snow and love spending time out in it over Christmas.”

“Emery…” I warned her.

“Alright fine, I saw the way you reacted in there. You were happy at first but at the sight of Sutton’s ring everything changed, what’s bothering you?”

“You know Spencer asked me to move in with him, he tried to bribe me with Cooper in hopes I would say yes.” I responded, hoping to dodge her question.

“It’s Spencer, your worried your relationship this time round is different and you two won’t be the same. You’re remembering your birthday when you are still unsure as to if he did or did not propose in the shower, have you two spoken about that day yet?” I shook my head in response.

I knew there would come a day where we had to talk about what happened that day when I panicked thinking he was proposing, especially considering we were both seeing a therapist. We might not be having regular sessions together anymore because our therapists believed we would be better off with separate sessions for the time being and it seemed to be working.

“Dri you know you two need to talk about that day, you threw in his face the one mistake he regrets the most that day. He is trying to fix things between the two of you, he is doing therapy for you for god sakes.”

“I don’t want to be there either Emery.”

“I know but my point stands, you are both doing it for each other. I know you two have spoken about what happened while you were apart but you refuse to talk about the moments you had together while apart. When he randomly turned up for the weekend after Nathan attacked you, everything that happened that week following your birthday and that weekend you went to London and told him you were dating someone else. We all want to know what happened that weekend because it broke Spencer Dri.”

“I’m going home Emery, I’ll talk to you later.” I snapped at her before walking off to hail a cab.

“Dri don’t be like that with me.”

“Be like what? The fact that I know I broke Spence when I flew all the way there to tell him I was seeing Damon? You don’t think I regret dating Damon, I still remember the look on his face when I told him about Damon. But I knew I couldn’t do it over the phone, I couldn’t tell him I had started seeing someone else over the phone. I owed it to Spencer and what we had to do it in person even if it killed the both of us.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you that badly. I’m on your side, I want things to work out between you and Spencer but there is only so much I can do on the sidelines when you keep so much from us. He gave you Cooper almost two weeks ago, so it was almost two weeks ago that he asked you to move in with him. Normally you would come straight to us about that but you shut us out, why are you shutting us out Dri?” I turned away from Emery and looked out onto the busy street trying to push my tears back.

We were both silent for a while, I knew if I walked off she would just chase after me. I hadn’t been meaning to shut my friends out, it’s just that so much has happened.

“You’re scared, you let in Damon and it completely backfired. God I’m such an idiot for not realising this sooner, the same thing happened after everything with Nathan the first time. You shut us out, you shut everyone out and at first we just assumed it was because you lost your dad. Dri we’ve been here for you through everything, we aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Just please talk to me, stop shutting me out, you know I’m on both of yours and Spencer’s side.”

The tears fell silently as I stared at my best friend, “what if Spencer and I don’t make it. What if I move in with him and everything just crumbles, we didn’t live together last time?”

“But you were together practically every night, the only time you weren’t was when you were both busy with work or he was travelling. You both had things at each other’s apartment and I was used as the pack mule after the break up. Spencer brought an apartment thinking about your future together, it’s a future where he imagines you two have child together. It’s somewhere you can keep Cooper, he’s done all of this because he loves you.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“So you move in with me while you find somewhere else to live,” she shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, why did it seem so easy to her.

“What about my apartment, my year isn’t up yet. I can’t back out now.”

“My lease is up soon and your apartment is so much nicer than mine, I’ll take it.”

“Why are you making it seem like it’s so easy?”

“Because it is, you love Spencer. You’ve admitted before that if you two didn’t go on that break and he didn’t move to London, you wouldn’t even hesitate if he proposed, take him up on his offer of living together and if things don’t work out I will always have a guest room for you.” Emery cupped my face and it got me thinking, is it this easy?

Surprise

“Hi Spencer,” I spoke happily answering the phone seeing it was Spencer, things have been incredibly good ever since picnic date in his new apartment and he had given me Cooper.

Spencer hadn’t pushed me on moving in with him, truth was if he hadn’t gone to London or even broken up with me because of Nathan I wouldn’t have even thought twice about moving in with him but things are different and I don’t know if our new relationship was ready for that.

“Hey babe, where are you?” he questioned and I knew if I lied he would probably realise.

“Home…” So I lied anyway.

“Really, because you’re apartment looks pretty empty to me.” I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a smirk on his face and I groaned, of course he went there looking for me. “So I ask again, where are you babe?”

I laughed in response, I shouldn’t have been surprised that he went to my apartment to look for me when he finished work but I thought he would know me better by now.

“Oh…I see how it is, you’re at my apartment with Cooper.”

“Oh come on babe, we can’t leave him alone all day long.” I mocked before looking down at said whimpering puppy in my lap.

“Uhuh, I will be there soon. Love you.” But he hung up before I could in reply, I knew I would have to stay until he arrived. He would be annoyed if I just left without at least saying hello to him.

I sat there on the floor of the guest room which had in turn become Cooper’s room until he was better trained to have free run of the apartment when he was alone during the day.

We weren’t exactly leaving Cooper alone most of the day, Spencer was doing what work he could from home and I was taking work home when I could. In fact that was what I was doing before Cooper started crying at my feet and I stopped, I was just lucky our case load was light at the moment at work.

“I really regret giving you a key,” Spencer grumbled as he walked over to where I was sitting before softly kissing me.

“No you don’t,” I grinned at him, not really wanting to finish my sentence.

“Oh I do, I’m starting to think you love Cooper more than me.” he pouted at me and I gave him a sly smile.

“Oh but babe I do love Cooper more than you, how could you not. He is adorable.” Spencer snatched Cooper from my arms and this time it was my turn to pout.

“You’re right, he is absolutely adorable and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you I loved him more than you.”

“Well then, you two have fun. I actually have plans with the girls.” I stood up and went to talk past him to grab my bag and leave but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist to prevent me going anywhere. “Yes Spencer?” I questioned innocently and he shook his head.

“Are you going to come back here?” I leaned down and kissed him.

“Of course, I can’t let Cooper sleep alone now can I?” I whispered in his ear and he growled in response. “I’m kidding babe, I’m just having dinner with the girls. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Belle and Jess.” He grinned at me and I shook my head.

“Well in that case, maybe I won’t be in the bed when you come home. Maybe I will be in here with Cooper.”

“Oh but babe if you plan on having sex any time soon, you will be in that bed naked waiting for a drunk me to come home.” I whispered in his ear before softly kissing his neck, his body tensed and he sucked in the air.

“Tease…” he spoke, his voice all husky and I knew exactly what I just did to him but I just laughed before giving him a kiss and grabbing my bag to go meet up with the girls.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” I spoke as I rushed to join them in the booth of the diner we agreed to meet at for dinner.

When Sutton, Emery and myself first moved to the city this diner was just down the street from our apartment, we had gotten into the habit of having dinner here at least once a week around our own hectic schedules. Over time as we met Belle and Jess they began joining us as well and now, well we tried to come back every couple of months but still it was hard or we didn’t want to venture this far out sometimes.

“Were you and Spencer having sex again?” Emery asked with a smirk on her face while everyone else just laughed.

“No, actually we weren’t, we were poking fun at each other over Cooper. Now Sutton please pass me a menu.”

“What the hell was that?” Emery screeched and I looked up to notice her staring at Sutton, I raised an eyebrow at the two of them and Sutton’s cheeks went a little pink before she lifted her left hand showing us her engagement ring.

“When the hell did this happen?” I questioned while grabbing her hand to examine the ring and I felt a twinge in my heart before I dropped Sutton’s hand.

I fell silent as they all began firing questions at Sutton about how Alex did and if she saw it coming, I was happy for Sutton. I really was and there no point denying it, I was thrilled that she found Alex and he had proposed in a way she deemed perfect and she had said yes. I will even be thrilled for her on their wedding day.

But there was something that just wasn’t sitting right with me and it killed all happy thoughts I had for the rest of dinner.