Aftermath

The judge spoke, Harvey looked at me, and I couldn’t remember any of it. It was all a blur to me.

As soon as I was allowed to leave the Court room, I did. I went straight outside hoping for some fresh air to clear my head and make some sense of what happened. I knew Harvey wouldn’t follow me straight away. He would take care of what he had to and then ring me to let me know we had to talk but until that phone call came through I was allowed some space.

“Hey, are you alright?” I heard Spencer’s voice but it wasn’t until his arms came around me that I relaxed. “Shh, everything is going to be okay.” Spencer softly rubbed my back and instead of focusing on what just happened, I recalled the events of what happened last night.

“Because I love you Spencer…” his hands instantly dropped from my face and I was hurt by the action.

He just told me only a few seconds ago that he still loved me and here he was, acting like he was electrocuted at the idea of me saying that I loved him. I had worked it out but was too scared to say anything in case things had changed for him and we were just friends, and that was it.

Even the first time the words I love you came out for both of us was in an argument. Neither of us were exactly emotional people. We didn’t always voice how we felt and if one of us was annoyed we stayed silent until we exploded.

“Spence?” I finally spoke, breaking the silence.

I was unnerved by what he was doing, He was just staring at me and I didn’t know what to think of it. If we hadn’t seen each other in ages then yes maybe I would have thought he would be taking it all in but I saw him only yesterday.

But he still never said anything in reply. He stepped forward, he gripped the back of my neck while his other hand went to my lower back and he pulled me as close as possible to him before roughly kissing me and at first I was shock and didn’t move.

It didn’t take long for me to start kissing him back and it wasn’t long after that, that we started removing each other’s clothes and falling on top of my bed.

It was amazing being with Spencer like this, I forgot just how good it could be with him. Every now and then we both stopped, just to take in each other. It had been way too long since we had been like this and I was reason for that.

It wasn’t until I realised that me dating Damon put a wedge between us when he returned that I pulled away from him.

“Dri what’s wrong?” Spencer’s face was full of concern as he stroked my cheek. I hated that I was still feeling conflicted by everything that’s happened.

“It’s all my fault,” I spoke as tears started to blur my vision. I watched as Spencer hung his head before shifting closer to me. I knew he was frustrated that I pulled away in the middle of sex.

“Hey nothing is your fault, don’t ever think that.” He cupped my face and wiped away the tears that escaped.

“But if I hadn’t started seeing Damon then we would….”

I wasn’t even allowed to finish that sentence before Spencer cut me off. “Don’t even start on that Dri, don’t think it. You couldn’t have known that Damon was friends with Nathan and all that stuff was going to happen.”

After that everything sort of blended together and Spencer spent more time trying to convince me that I did nothing wrong. I was following what we both agreed to before he left.

We both agreed that we would break up and see what happens. If one of us dated someone else we couldn’t be mad and Spencer wasn’t.

We didn’t end up finishing what we started and I suspected that Spencer went off and had a cold shower once I had fallen asleep. I tried to apologise this morning for it but he wouldn’t hear a word of it.

In fact this morning he kept trying to convince me to let him come today, to be there for me. Except I kept telling him no but he turned up anyway and I didn’t know if I was annoyed or grateful.

“You know I told you not to come today,” I pulled away slightly so I could face him but all he did was grin at me.

“And you actually thought I was going to listen to you? Come on surely you know that if Sutton wasn’t in Paris and Emery didn’t have that big client meeting they would both be here as well.”

“I know…. thank you.”

“Anytime, isn’t it what boyfriends are for?” that’s when it hit me, we haven’t actually spoken about anything.

Last night we both said I love you but we hadn’t spoken about what was going to change, it was like we both forgot what broke us up in the first place.

Spencer must have seen my concerns written on my face, because he frowned before stroking my cheek. “Dri you just said last night that you loved me, I’ve been waiting on you to decide if we were going to give us another shot.”

“I know that but I never once said we were back together, we’ve both said on multiple occasions that we needed to fix what was broken between us. Remember you broke up with me long before you were sent to London!” I yelled at him and it was then I realised that we were standing out in public.

“I know, but Nathan’s gone. He can’t harass you anymore, or did you not pay attention in there?”

“No I paid attention, I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe that a restraining order was put in place as well as jail time, it doesn’t seem real Spence.” I spoke and something in my voice must have worried Spencer, he didn’t say anything in response.

All he did was look at me for a moment before wrapping an arm around me and holding me close. It was exactly what I needed in that moment.

It was true, I couldn’t believe that another judge has sided with me on this whole thing with Nathan. I couldn’t believe that he was getting jail time due to him attacking me and hospitalizing me. Once that was finished another restraining order was being put in place, this one was a bit more serious than the last because this time he couldn’t contact Lee or my mother.

My phone ran breaking the silence that was still standing between Spencer and I, when I pulled away and looked at my phone I noticed it was Harvey calling me.

“Come on, I promise we will have this talk Dri.” Spencer spoke as he laced his fingers with mine and lead me back inside the Court house in search of Harvey.

Anxious

I hated this, I hated not knowing what could happen tomorrow.

I felt the same way last time, the last time I had to go to Court and stand in front of a judge and many other people I didn’t know and recount what happened.

It didn’t matter if both Sutton and Emery have told me that this time is different, it didn’t matter. This time didn’t feel any different I still felt terrified that it wouldn’t go my way, that no one would believe what I had to say and that they would believe Nathan over me.

The only thing that surprised me was that I have not received a phone call from my mother asking why I was taking Nathan back to Court. There was a part of me hoping that for once she didn’t believe me, but there was a much bigger that also hoped Nathan hadn’t told my mother in respect to her health.

The girls kept reassuring me that I had a different lawyer so it will be easier and it’s true, this time Harvey was standing by my side even though he didn’t have to. Cases like these aren’t something he normally does, yet he’s doing this for me because he’s been there to help me every time Nathan popped up in my life.

Last time I had a lawyer that the police station managed to convince to take me on, he didn’t even care, just wanted to win. He did and that’s all that matters but still the point stands, he didn’t care and I could have just as easily lost. Was that what both Emery and Sutton kept telling me?

It has been like this for weeks with the girls, they kept reminding it will go just like last time and it was starting to get on my nerves. The only bit of peace I had was when I was with Spencer, he didn’t force me to talk about it. He was constantly doing other things or making plans for me in hopes of distracting me and it was working, I was thankful for it.

The only mention of the looming court appearance from Spencer was every time he questioned to make sure I didn’t want him there, I kept telling him I didn’t. I didn’t want anyone there, what was the point? It made it easier on me, I didn’t have to worry about my friends hearing things that I haven’t told them yet.

But would this one be different because there is no sexual assault charges? Just physical assault charges.

I made it back to my apartment and found Spencer sitting on the floor leaning against the door with his eyes closed. I stood there for a moment and looked at him, he was still incredibly hot and I knew he was still in love me but I still hadn’t made any mention of how I felt. I couldn’t at the moment but I knew if I took too long I would lose him completely. At the moment my life was too complicated and he didn’t deserve that.

“You know if you waited till I got home and answered my phone you wouldn’t have to sit out here waiting for me?” I spoke as I walked closer to him.

When Spencer opened his eyes and looked at me I could tell something was bothering him, “If you just took your phone with you when you went for runs, I wouldn’t be worried right now. Dri, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for almost an hour.”

I ignored him and stepped around him to unlock my apartment, Spencer hated that I hadn’t given him a key, Emery was the only one with a key.

Within a week of returning from visiting Spencer’s parents I found the perfect apartment and I was incredibly happy when I found out that I got it. I decided that I was only giving out one key, it was easier to deal with knowing that only Emery could randomly appear in my apartment.

“Dri are you going to talk to me?” Spencer spoke and I automatically assumed he followed me in. I don’t know how I felt about that since tonight I just wanted to be alone.

“So my run was longer than usual, what’s the big deal?” I spun around so fast that I became a little dizzy but I ignored it as I faced Spencer. There had been moments like this where he became a little too protective and I couldn’t handle it.

“The big deal is you were gone for so long that I started to worry about you. Dri you weren’t answering your phone and even when I came here to check on you I couldn’t hear anything. Normally when you go for a run you’re too lazy to turn whatever you had on to help get rid of the quiet, I panicked because I care about you.” Spencer cupped my face and normally I would melt at his actions but I couldn’t tonight, I couldn’t deal with anyone tonight.

“Well look at that, I’m perfectly fine. You can go back to Alec’s now.” I snapped at him before heading towards my room.

Spencer was still living at Alec’s, he had cleared out his apartment and given it up but he still hadn’t found another apartment. His reasoning was he wanted to buy his next one but nothing was coming up that he wanted.

“What is wrong with you Dri?” Spencer’s voice shocked me. I hadn’t heard him come up behind me.

I turned and looked at him but it was then I realised what I was wearing, “Bloody hell Spencer, you don’t get the right to walk in here anytime you wish anymore. Nothings the same anymore no matter how many times you tell me otherwise and if you don’t remember you were the one that broke up with me! Why the hell are you still sticking around? Are you a sucker for punishment or something?” I yelled at him and I knew I shouldn’t have. When I saw him face get harder I knew I was in for it.

“Are you fucking kidding me Dri! I’m still sticking around because I love you and I’m hoping a part of you still loves me because you’re the one that has been so attached to me ever since waking up in the hospital. I hated seeing how terrified you were at the thought of me moving in with Alec and not being with you in my apartment but I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be under the same roof as you. Tell me Dri, why are you so attached to me? Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk out this door right now and not come back?” he yelled back and I was shocked. Spencer has never yelled at me like this before but I deserved it, he was right. I couldn’t let him go.

“Because I can’t lose you…” I hung my head and refused to look at him but he had other plans in mind.

Spencer cupped my face and forced me to look at him and I knew this time I wouldn’t be able to pull away easily enough. “Why? Why can’t you lose me Dri?”

All of this time I was so scared of losing Spencer, even when I first told him I was dating Damon. Had me being afraid of losing him meant I had loved him all along but I was too scared to admit it? Even now with the two of us standing here, it felt like nothing had changed between us.

My body was reacting to his. I was itching to step forward and wrap my arms around his neck. The heat was building up in anticipation of what would normally come next. I’d spent so much time with Spencer since coming out of the hospital and so much of the time I would go home sexually frustrated because we didn’t have sex.

But it wasn’t just that, there was a part of me that was coming home a little heartbroken every time because I haven’t heard him say he loved me in too long, he hadn’t kissed me, nothing. It felt like we were dating again but yet his actions weren’t showing it. Maybe I was afraid of admitting I loved him in case he didn’t love me anymore?

“Because I love you Spencer…”

It Won't Work (Emery's POV)

Coming back to my apartment after arriving back in the city, I was exhausted and wanted a hot shower before crawling into my bed and deciding that dealing with what I missed while away for work could wait another day.

My friends were used to me going MIA while out of town for work, they were used to both Spencer and I having to fly out last minute for whatever reason since we both worked for the same company. But since Spencer was higher than me he was sent more often than not, however with him being in London up until recently I was the one that got sent off more regularly.

I think the partners were hoping that Spencer could stay in London and I would eventually take over from him, but I knew he would never take the position especially if it meant he could lose Dri permanently.

Having Spencer back in the city and seeing the changes in Dri were only small. I knew my best friend and I knew that if she hadn’t had to deal with the drama surrounding Nathan and Damon those changes would be bigger, but instead she was still scared.

It didn’t matter how well she tried to hide the fact that she was still scared and is constantly kicking herself for answering the door that revealed Nathan and then she proceeded to wake up in the hospital.

I wanted her to return to herself but I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight. I knew it would take some time and I knew that just like last time, only therapy would help and damn that would be an adventure in itself to get her to agree to it.

So of course I wasn’t exactly surprised to find Spencer sitting outside my apartment when I returned from the airport. He had to have known when I was returning and knew that none of our friends would bug me because if they tried too, I wouldn’t answer.

“Thank God Emery, do you know how long I’ve been sitting here? Your neighbours probably thinking I’m going to raid the building.” I raised an eyebrow at Spencer as I unlocked my door.

My flight was delayed by an hour, so he had to be sitting here for at least that and traffic was a bitch.

“Jeez, be more dramatic next time Spence. Are you coming in or not?” I stood there with the door opened. I knew I was being short with him but he had to have known what to expect coming here tonight.

“You and I both know how damn hard this trip would have been, no one likes going out to that branch if possible but it’s important and I knew no one would bother us.”

“I know. I was just hoping to get some sleep and you could bug me at work on Monday. What in particular about Dri would you like to talk about?” I spoke as I headed towards the kitchen hoping more than anything I had a bottle of wine in the fridge. I needed alcohol if I was being forced to have this conversation tonight.

“What makes you think it’s about Dri? I could have gone to Sutton.”

I wanted to laugh at him, we all know he wouldn’t go to Sutton.

“Come on, the three of us may be best friends but Dri and I have been friends for longer than we have with Sutton. I’m the one that is blunt with Dri whether she wants to hear it or not, whereas sometimes Sutton tries to butter up the truth. Now what did you want to talk about?” I held up a wine glass and he nodded.

He was silent while I poured the glass. I could tell he was trying to find the right words. I knew this had to be hard for him- going behind Dri’s back. Hell we all hated it but sometimes she needed to be ganged up on in order to hear the harsh truth.

“I’m worried about Dri, I’m worried she’s still blaming herself for what Nathan did.”

“I know. I am as well, but there is nothing we can do till it gets sorted and that includes the trial that is next week. Please tell me you are ignoring her request for you not to be there? Sutton is flying to Paris after her and Alex are finished in Rome and I have a big client meeting but I know you’re still on a light workload.”

When Dri told us about the trial that her boss Harvey had put into motion, Sutton and I both jumped at the idea of being there for her whether she wanted us there or not. Then we found out that we couldn’t be there for her. We were both devastated and we tried hard to get out of our work commitments but Dri would have our heads if she found out we let out work slip for her.

The last trial was hard on Dri since it was so close to her losing her dad and we were there for her every step of the way even though she didn’t want us there but once it was all done and dusted she broke down in tears and told us how she was thankful for having us there for her.

“But she’s told me on countless occasions that she doesn’t want me there…” Spencer looked like a wounded puppy at that and I didn’t know what to say to make him feel better.

We all knew he still loved Dri and nothing had changed for him, I knew a part of Dri still loved him but it was going to take some time for her to realise it or if she had, she hadn’t voiced it to us.

None of us knew what happened when they visited his parents for the weekend a month ago and ever since the two of them had been spending more and more time together. We had all hoped that maybe this was them getting back together but nothing had been said to any of us yet.

“Spencer it’s not just you, she doesn’t want anyone there. She didn’t last time but once it was over she was grateful to have Sutton and I there for her every step of the way. This time it needs to be you, it’s been you ever since she woke up in the hospital. How many times have we gone behind her back and done something she didn’t want us too but yet she ended up being grateful it?”

“But how do I be there for her at a time like this? Our friendship is weird because of what happened between us, I don’t know how Emery.”

“The same as you have been Spence, nothing has changed for you. So don’t act like it has, I wouldn’t suggest just randomly kissing her but your actions and words towards her shouldn’t change. Spence, I believe she still loves you and it’s there somewhere. I think she needs to get past this before anything can happen. You’ve stuck around this long, is a little bit longer going to hurt that much?”

I always thought Spencer was crazy for sticking around like he did when he returned, I thought he was punishing himself but it wasn’t until I saw the little things he was doing that I realised what he was doing. He was proving to Dri that nothing had changed for him, he was bringing her flowers, her favourite food, wine, taking her out on outings. He was trying to be friends with her with hopes of proving that he deserved a second chance but we could all see it was hard on him.

“You’re right but how did she get over it all last time? I know I don’t know everything that happened last time but I’ve been told enough to work out that Nathan has attacked her before and around the same time she lost her father.”

“Spence it was the same night, he convinced her to go to the police about it all and they were on the way home when a drunk driver ran a red light.” Spencer hung his head and I didn’t know if he was blaming himself for not putting together what she had told him or the fact that she hadn’t told him.

“Look it will be hard for her to get past it all and I’m hoping this time the same thing will happen.”

“What happened last time?”

“The judge put her on court appointed therapy sessions so she could get past everything that happened. She fought it for weeks before she finally gave in and agreed to talk to her therapist.”

I knew he was shocked at this news, still to this day I don’t think Lee even knew that Dri was in therapy.

“It won’t work if it’s not court appointed.” Spencer stated and he was right, we all knew Dri well enough to know she wouldn’t talk to a therapist.

“I know and again because I believe she still loves you, I’m hoping you can convince her.”

He laughed in response, “If I could convince Dri to do anything don’t you think I would have her back by now?”

I looked at Spencer and even though he had just laughed, I could tell he was hurting. I’ve known Spencer for a long time and every time him and Dri had the slightest problem or he wanted to surprise her with something he always came to me.

“You’ll get her back, I honestly believe you and Dri are meant for each other.”

“Wow, Emery I would never have guessed you were such a romantic.” He teased, so in response I threw the towel I had sitting on the bench at him.